I know I should study now. Still, my thoughts are everywhere… and nowhere. It’s just like if I was experiencing that people really do have souls. It might sound strange but sometimes I feel like if I was a part of the whole universe, but sometimes not. Sometimes I feel like a loner, and like a stranger….but maybe everybody does?
Today, it is going to be a long, long day or a long, long night. One might say that I will be celebrating my workaholism doing countless things for the finals. Yes, the finals are coming. I can’t wait *kidding*.
Fortunately, I just have to spend this weekend on doing things that might be useful for my future career. I really mean that. Some people tend to say that anything they learn is not going to be useful in their lives. Still, it is all a beautiful lie, because one does not know what may turn out to be “useful”. Also, it depends on the definition. Of course, as a future scientist (I hope to become one, and sometimes it scares me a bit!) I find many things to be interesting and useful, but only for that things I am doing in my laboratory. Some people would say that they might be far off from a normal life. Yes, they might be. However, even if not now, they might become “useful” (in terms of what everybody finds to be useful) in the future….and it’s the future that we should try to make better? Am I right? Maybe yes, maybe no?
Still, I believe that there’s no reason to dwell on the past (it does not matter now!), I should do whatever I can to make my future bright. Personally, I love history and I will read many books just to satisfy my curiosity. It is so important to me because knowing where I come from and who I am, and what happened defines the world that IS now and WILL BE in the future.
Ok, it is time to go. A tonne of chemistry textbooks is waiting for me and they might be jealous that I had chosen to flirt with my laptop instead of them ;).
Some people might think that holidays are just for fun. I mean, people think that holidays mean NO WORK. They are all wrong. Life without work is just terrible. It’s just like forcing yourself to live without water, even though you know that it’s crucial for every human-being. I do spend my holidays not only in the lab though, however reading books and listening to music can also take place during nights like that. I keep studying every day, and I keep typing my thesis (it seems that September will be really tough month too when it comes to university and stuff). There is quite a lot of things, I got to do. No way, I’m not going to fail this time. The war is not over, however one battle seems to be lost in a way. No use looking back to the past, I should just concentrate on making future brighter. Thanks to My Boyfriend I realized how important it is to be back to my roots, and that I was not always as lazy as I am now. I just need more motivation, less stress and emotions, and everything will be fine. Science is all I wanted to do, and it is what I have to do. It is just something that touches my curiosity, and also it is something I was left with having to do. My physical illness will take everything I love, giving back some strange illnesses and death. I gotta work hard before I die. It’s all I can do. It seems like a good plan for several years from now.
Oh, it’s nearly 1AM. Quite a nice time to read something and fall asleep. Hopefully, I’ll be able to go to the lab tomorrow and work as hard as I can.
Dreams and wishes… It’s just what I do that defines me, so… I’m heading for a better future, starting from today.
It is high time to change something in my life. Basically, it will be not about having more time. Rather about spending time differently. Not so foolishly. Maybe I had to go through all of these strange situation previous year to be prepared for the new. Whatever it is, I am coming…and happy or not, I will have to deal with all things I have done without thinking of their consequences.
It is high time to think. High time to think about future. It is very soon when I start my own life. My parents are used to my absence at home. Whole world is changing. I am doing my first bachelor degree this year. Looking for love. Thinking of studying more.
My life is my lab. Or my life is in my lab? I think that both answers are correct in a way.
It has been a while since my last post. Still, if I’m quie busy or I have nothing to share, I remain silent. Now, I feel like writing something. Today, I’ll concentrate on people. How weird they are, and how silly their behaviour can be. Let me introduce you an example of silly man and his weird way of behaving.
Nobody likes to be given advice in a way of judgement. If somebody’s judging anybody, he should have been either clean as a tear or an ideal when it comes to the field of judgement.
“So called” advisor, unfortunately, is not an example of wisdom when it comes to the field he suggests me to leave. He is more of “I know you can’t do it. I JUST feel it that you’re not suitable for that”. So do I. I feel that you’re not suitable to be flexible and shut your mouth once a while. Also, I feel you really can’t do it. You’re just a man who is not either a good scientist or a lecturer. One that tells the story to anything else, not to me -this silly man never told me that I’m not suitable, however, he shared his opinion with many other people. I don’t quite understand it. Did he really think that if he shared that kind of opinion with some people I know, nodoby will tell me? What a silly man. Still, one piece of advice for all people doing so – why don’t you stop telling all people around you what you think, and instead of that tell it to the person you’re talking about. Instead of “talk about”, just “talk to”. Yes, it seems to be impossible and too difficult for most of people to do that. If only I heard it, it would be a half of a problem solved – why? I would tell “oh, just take care of your business and don’t try to give me any piece of advice when you failed to fulfill your dreams. Don’t be an obstacle to me”. Now, I’m just saying – oh’ c’mon, I’m going to kick your silly ass, you monster. Either shut your mouth, or begin to weap. You’re no longer my friend. The war has just begun. Be prepared.
It’s silent at night. I like it. Especially, when I have to study. It seems that I’m becoming more of a bat again. Recently, my life is not only about buying some goods that I would like to have (However, I enjoy that part of my life too. I changed quantity to quality, recently). My head is also filled with some thoughts. I mean… Well, I could not become a philosopher, still thoughts are just overwhelming me so I have to share it with “the world”. When it comes up to darkness, so it can be very meaningful. People fear things that they are not able to see. People tend to treat things as if they were invisible, especially when they are not ready to confront them. Still, the only way to live life is to face some problems. Some of obstacles just cannot be omitted. The earlier people understand it, the better path they can choose to go. It is a pity that human beings are so irrational. I mean, I have to be irrational in a way too. However, I try to strive for my future success, no matter how painful it is, and no matter how much time it takes. Being stubborn is a good thing, as long as one’s range of sight is still broad. I guess it is time to study again. Even if one is surrounded by darkness, one can be also full of light!
Life teaches. Yes. That’s right. Recently, it is unfolding some things that I had no idea that could happen. It is crappy when you have to think of something else than studying and having your own life. Sometimes, it just happens that you simply can’t isolate from some problems of people around you. Especially, those close people. I don’t want to elaborate much, however showing fake smiles every day is not a solution. I’m just tired of it already, even though only several days passed. I have to move on, maybe parents are right. It’s not my fault that somebody is just irresponsible. What happened just proves me that it is sometimes only the date of birth that makes people adult, not the way they behave. Kind of sad… Still, so true.
It’s my pleasure to welcome all of you here. Who am I? It’s not really quite important, when it comes to understanding what I do, so I won’t tell. However, everything that I do DEFINES ME. My own life and some circumastances in it, they all made me talk. Some people are bloggers because they want to spread some news, others just find it useful in their career or they think that it’s a kind of relaxing thing to do. For me, blogging is revealing some secrets and some personal life. Some stories of falling and picking up and being picked up. It’s describing some aims and some dreams. My blog simply defines me, and what you can read here is just… whatever I can see with my eyes and whatever I can see looking in the mirror on my wall. If you can stand it, stay here and read. If not… Whatever. You choose what you’re going to read, am I right?